Tag Archives: humor

Death and Taxes … Baby Boomers Life after 50

Posted on April 15, 2013 | 4 Comments

Death and Taxes

by Peggy Browning

Death and Taxes

Death and Taxes

There are only  two things that are guaranteed to each of us in this life: death and taxes. Every one of us will die, but before we do…we will pay taxes.

Today is the day we pay up: April 15, 2013. Unless, like me, you are a lazy lug and you had to file an extension.

Death and Taxes

I’ve been giving a lot of consideration to the inevitable death and taxes lately.  I read the obituaries every single day. I’ve done that since I was a little kid. And just about every day, I pay some kind of tax. Both are on my mind a lot.

I have a lot of thoughts on the subject of death, but I’ll save those for another time. I’ll just share my thoughts on taxes today. Death and taxes are too heavy for just one blog post.

While I was thinking about taxes today, I pulled out my federal tax return from 2010. It was the only one I could find…so I’ll work from it.

Here’s what I found:

In 2010 I had an adjusted gross income of a little over 40 thousand dollars. That was from working two jobs…a full-time job teaching in a public school and a part-time job working as an usher at an entertainment venue. My taxable income was just a bit over 30 thousand dollars.

I paid $4,295.00 in federal income taxes. In addition to the taxes I sent to the IRS,  I also paid $2,150.00 in school, county, and city taxes…property taxes. I don’t know how much I paid in sales tax, except that here in Texas the sales tax is 8.25 % of any taxable purchase. And, believe me…just about everything I bought except for most grocery items, is taxable.  I bought a new car in 2010 for approximately $20,000.00. I’ll let you figure the sales tax on that.

So, anyway, I was thinking about what I received for my taxes of approximately $6,500.00, excluding all sales tax.

Here’s what I got for my money:

  • A free, appropriate public education for my grandchildren. (In fact…I also received a FAPE…and so did my children).
  • A working public sewer system.
  • A source of water, piped directly to my home.
  • 24/7 Police protection.
  • A judicial system that works most of the time.
  • 24/7 Fire department protection.
  • Paved streets in my mid-sized city.
  • Paved alleys in my mid-sized city.
  • State parks, federal parks, and city parks.
  • A public venue for concerts and sporting events.
  • A city councilperson to represent my district.
  • A state representative, a state senator, two U.S. senators, and a U.S. representative.
  • An infrastructure that supports transportation, electricity, other sources of energy, and fiber-optics for internet service.
  • Interstate, intrastate, and farm-to-market highways.
  • The FDA to ensure safe medications and treatments, the CDC to research communicable diseases, FEMA and the National Guard to help me in time of disaster.
  • A public transportation system in my hometown.
  • Access to mental health treatment.
  • Access to public health treatment.
  • A tornado warning system.
  • FCC regulated television and radio stations.
  • FAA regulated air travel.
  • NOAA weather information.
  • Round the clock protection by the military serving in the U.S. and all other foreign assignments.
  • The FBI, the CIA, etc.

And those are just a few of the perks of paying my taxes.

Here’s some other perks that make me feel good about paying taxes:

  • The young single mother who works with my daughter received food stamps and Medicaid. She also received subsidized child-care and subsidized housing. Her children were well-fed, had medical care when they needed it, had safe child-care, and a suitable home.
  • The frail, low-income pensioner received nursing home care through Medicaid.
  • The state universities received federal subsidies to provide post-high school education for my neighbor’s children.
  • Research hospitals and universities received federal grants for researching ideas from cures and treatments for cancer to better agricultural methods.
  • Millions of unemployed people received unemployment benefits that helped save them from total desperation when they lost their jobs…on which, by the way…they pay a 10% federal income tax.
  • Dairy farmers received a federal subsidy so that the price of a gallon of milk is still affordable.

That’s just a few of the things for which my taxes pay. Federal, state, county, city, and school taxes…all used to keep our lives and all the perks to which we are accustomed going well.

The two inevitable facts of life are death and taxes. We are assured of both. We can like it or we can lump it. No one looks forward to either of these inevitable forces of life.

Whatever…we will always have death and taxes.

 

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Posted in Aging, Boomer Lit, Employment after 50, Life after 50, women over 50

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Bucket List Review 2012

Posted on December 31, 2012 | 9 Comments

All my friends know that I make a Bucket List every year. I’ve made one each year since I turned 50.

I am a list maker. I make a TO DO list almost every day. If I don’t make a TO DO list, I usually don’t accomplish much. Sometimes, even when I do make a list for the day, I still don’t accomplish much.

Without a list, I often lose focus and accomplish nothing other than phoning my friends, eating nachos from Taco Bell, and watching Dr. Phil. Those activities aren’t exactly challenging.

I even go so far as to make a list of what I want to accomplish for the week, the month, and the season…so making a Bucket List for the whole year is a natural extension of those plans.

You could call me obsessive-compulsive, but please don’t. I’m not OCD. I just like to mark things off the list.

I’ve found that making a Bucket List for each year keeps me in focus. I write down the things I want to do…I add activities for each year of my age. That way, I have even more things to accomplish as I grow older.

My 2012 Bucket List numbered 56 items; the 2013 version will number 57. I haven’t finished my 2013 list yet, but I know that it will include walking on the Appalachian Trail, somewhere…somehow. It’s a long trail, surely I can find a place to walk on it!

If I don’t write a Bucket List, I waste time with a lot of shouldas, couldas, wouldas, and damn,IwishIhads. I like to live with few regrets.

Some years I do everything on the list. Some years I don’t. But writing the list puts things in perspective. I examine each activity on the list and sometimes find that just looking at it and thinking about it helps me decide if it’s even worth doing or if I still desire to do it.

Here’s a review of  a few of the activities I checked off my 2012 Bucket List:

  1. Write a newspaper column. (http://pioneer-sentinel.com)
  2. Publish a book. (Fifty Odd: Viewing Life after 50 through Rose-Colored Bifocals…available on Amazon and Create Space.)
  3. Rock my new granddaughter to sleep. (And sing a lullabye)
  4. Take a trip somewhere. (Made several)
  5. Pay bills off. (Hallelujah!)
  6. Ride a “real” train with my grandson and granddaughter. (More fun than a barrel of monkeys.)
  7. Dress up and go somewhere nice. (Attended a friend’s beautiful wedding.)
  8. Write some good feature stories. (Again…http://pioneer-sentinel.com)
  9. Go to a play. (Chorus Line)
  10. Go to a concert. (Michael Martin Murphy)
  11. Read 10 good books. (More than 10, of course…but 10 is a good place to start)
  12. Be still and be calm. (Ohm….what else can I say?)
  13. Learn something new. (Attended the 13 week Sheriff’s Office Citizen’s Academy.)
  14. Be frugal. (Always.)
  15. Grow a vegetable garden. (Fresh potatoes and squash out of my backyard were delicious.)
  16. Work in my yard. (Made a beautiful, pleasant flower garden grown mostly from seed.)
  17. Make every car payment on time. (Yep.)
  18. Build something with my grandchildren. (A bird house and a hammock stand.)
  19. Do something special for someone. (It’s a secret.)

Here’s what I DIDN’T accomplish from the 2012 Bucket List :

  1. Learn to make a good coconut cream pie. (But I ate a delicious slice at a café in Holliday, Texas.)
  2. Put my photographs in albums. (Still in multiple boxes.)
  3. Lose 25 lbs. (Oh, well.)
  4. Stop being so gripy and intolerant. (Working on it.)
  5. Go to a college basketball game. (There’s still March Madness…)

So…I did more than I didn’t do…even though I didn’t do everything on the Bucket List.

I learned a lot. I did a lot. I read a lot. I meditated a lot. I laughed a lot.

I have few regrets for the year of 2012. I started a couple of projects that I didn’t finish…but at least I tried….

AND…..

If there’s anything the Mayans have taught us, it’s this :   If you don’t finish every project you start, it’s not the end of the world.

Really.

But don’t let that stop you from trying….

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Posted in Aging, Aging Gratefully, Bucket List, Grandchildren, Happiness, Integrity, Legacies, Life after 50, Peggy Browning, Random Thoughts about Post 50 Issues, Reinvention and Starting Over, Self Awareness, Wisdom, women over 50

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Fifty Odd…the BOOK!

Posted on November 22, 2012 | Leave a comment
Today….TA DA….my book Fifty Odd: Viewing Life After 50 Through Rose-Colored Bifocals went live on Amazon. It is currently available in e-book form for $3.99. You can download it to your Kindle or on your computer, iPad, or iPhone by using the Kindle app available for free at the site.
Here’s the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AB3SH6A

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Posted in Aging, Aging Gratefully, Bucket List, Dating after 50, Excess Facial Hair, Grief, Happiness, Insomnia, Life after 50, Peggy Browning, Post 50, Self Awareness

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Do-It-Yourself Plumbing

Posted on October 18, 2012 | 10 Comments

Thanks to a do-it-yourself plumbing project, I enjoyed a well-deserved, relaxing, steamy, hot bath this evening.

It’s about time. I haven’t had a bath in almost a year. It’s a long story.

The whole sorry affair started when my bathtub stopped holding water. I would draw a bath and then the water would all leak out rather quickly because the whatchamacallit that was attached to the little flippy thing that you flip up to hold water and down to release water stopped working correctly.

I tried to fix it by taking it apart and putting it all back together. It never worked again. The flippy thing didn’t flip any more. And the whatchamacallit stopped plunging downward.

Trust me…I put a lot of effort and foul language into trying to repair it. But, alas, I was defeated.

Oh, well. My shower still worked and I decided baths were over-rated. So I just took long, hot showers.

Then one day last October, the drain in the tub stopped working. Water collected during my daily shower and rose first to my ankles, inching ever upward. By the time I finished showering, I was standing in water up to my lower calf.

There was a little bit of drain activity, but not much. I left for work, hoping it would be drained when I returned. That evening, I poured Liquid Plumber through a small puddle into the drain, hoping it would dissolve the plug-up.

Next morning, I started all over again…with a shower…with rising water…with an obviously, hopelessly plugged up drain.

When I returned from work, the water was still standing, almost none had drained during the 8 hours I was gone. So I bailed the water out with a mixing bowl, poured in more drain cleaner, plunged the drain and cursed it.

Next day…same routine. Except I didn’t bail the water when I got home because I was tired and decided to do it the next morning. I just poured more Liquid Plumber through the water and called it a night.

So much for my do-it-yourself plumbing.

And then, that night, my dog died.

The next morning, I dug a grave and held a solemn funeral for my long-time companion, bidding her farewell from this side of the Rainbow Bridge.

Then I went back inside to get ready for work…on a Sunday at that.  I bawled like a baby and bailed water so I could take a shower.

Enough of that! On my lunch hour, I went to the big box home improvement store and looked at plumbing supplies. I asked advice about repairs from a salesperson.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked. I was already having a bad day. But then, how was I to know he was a jackass?

“Well, first…” he smirked, “you’ve got to be smarter than the drain.”

Oh. No. He. Did-unt. But yes, of course, he did.

I assured him that I was certainly smarter than a blankety-blank drain pipe, tossed my supplies in my basket and flounced out of that store, muttering all the way about the frickin’ frackin’ lack of customer service. (I won’t mention the name of the store, but it starts with  L and rhymes with GOES.)

Later that evening, I poured vinegar and boiling water down the drain and it finally opened. Next I pulled the whatchamacallit out of the pipe. I read the instructions on the repair kit, and was intimidated by it all.

Maybe I wasn’t smarter than a drain pipe after all. I did a half-ass job of replacing the whatchamacallit and left it at that.

Then I drank a beer and took a nap because I was sad and tired.

Eventually I tucked the repair kit away in the hall closet and continued taking showers.

Then today, I decided I wanted to take a hot bath. I deserved it, I thought.

I had my confidence back. I believed I was smarter than a drain pipe. I knew I could do it

And I did. I tore that sucker apart and with the aid of a pair of pliers, a flat-head screwdriver, appropriate sized  ¼ inch x 2 ½ inch screws and a Hershey’s milk chocolate bar (with almonds because they’re healthy)…I fixed that dadgum drain.

My bathtub holds water now…and not because the drain is plugged up.

Can we fix it? Yes, we can! Bob the Builder would have been proud.

I drew a hot bath and relaxed in the tub, reading a book and drinking a glass of wine.

And then my toilet overflowed.

Well, shoot. I’ll fix it next October. I only do one do-it-yourself  plumbing project per year. Until then, I’ll try to remember to jiggle the handle.

I hope I’m smarter than a toilet overflow thingamajig.

Calgon…take me away! Please…I beg you!

 

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Posted in Home Improvement, Mental Health after 50, Peggy Browning writer, Plumbing, Random Thoughts about Post 50 Issues, Reinvention and Starting Over, women over 50

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Bad Hair and Fat Girls

Posted on August 6, 2012 | 12 Comments

Last week, I wallowed on my sofa nursing the blues and watching the Olympics. Occasionally I would get off the couch to check my Facebook news feed and Yahoo! News. Discouraged by all the posts about bad hair and fat girls, I quickly returned to flopping around on the couch, wishing I’d never left it in the first place.

As I lay there, flipping channels between NBC, ESPN and MSNBC, I wondered about all the crap I’d just read. My Facebook feed was full of snarky remarks about women’s hairstyles and their body size.

The first post I read was about Hillary Clinton and her current hairstyle. There was a long, detailed conversation about that.

The Secretary of State has let her hair grow out. And not everyone likes it. Oh, darn.

One poster said he liked Hillary’s longer hair, but he thought her legs were too heavy.

I’ll bet the Secretary of State worries about that a lot. It’s not like she’s busy or anything…she’s just trying to keep Iran and Israel from starting a war and North Korea from starving its entire population and Syria from murdering its women and children.

I’m sure that while Madame Secretary was dodging the tomatoes and shoes lobbed at her motorcade on her diplomatic tour of Egypt, she was quietly obsessing about getting her roots touched up.

I’ll bet that when she got back in the States, her first call was to her hairdresser. Mmmhmm.

Then there were all the comments about Olympic gymnast Gabby Douglas. Forget that the 16 year old won two gold medals for the U.S.A. in both the team and individual all around competitions, it’s her hair that concerned folks.

I imagine that Gabby won’t be too concerned about her hair when she competes this week. She will likely be focused on her performance on the balance beam and the uneven bars.

Maybe she can do something about her hair when she gets back home, wearing those big gold medals around her neck.

And then, of course, everybody had something to say about Holley Mangold, the U.S. weightlifter in the 75 Kg-plus category. She’s too fat, everybody said. Strong, they conceded, but fat. And her hair looked tacky, slicked back as it was to stay out of her eyes.

Holley didn’t win any medals, but she tried. She lifted 231.5 pounds and 297.6 pounds in two categories: the snatch and clean and jerk. She did that with a torn wrist on one hand and a fluid pocket, bruised bone and tear on the other one.

I wouldn’t expect a 98 lb. weakling to do that.

I have to wonder: what the hell is wrong with us? Why do we casually insult people about their hair and their weight when they are obviously engaged in other worthwhile efforts like bringing peace to the world or setting world records?

Why do we focus on bad hair and fat girls when there are so many more important issues with which we could concern ourselves?

These women, Hillary…Gabby…Holley… are accomplished. They are strong. They are focused and engaged. They are making important strides worldwide with their feats of strength, diplomacy and derring-do.

As I lay on my couch, I compared myself to these women, young and old. There was actually little to compare.

  • I can barely carry on a good conversation much less speak with world leaders.
  • I’ve never been able to turn a cartwheel.
  • I struggle to lift a 40 lb. sack of dog food into my shopping cart.
  • I don’t even have a good haircut.

I’m no match for these women. I admire them for their strength, determination and inner beauty.

Their messy hair and body mass index doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of Life.

And if it doesn’t matter to them and their lives, I don’t think it should matter to us.

We’ve all got more important things to do than coif our hair.

Hillary and Gabby and Holley are doing those things…their things. They’re not too worried about bad hair and fat girls.

Why aren’t we doing our important things as well?

“We need to understand that there is no formula for how women should lead their lives. That is why we must respect the choices that each woman makes for herself and her family. Every woman deserves the chance to realize her God-given potential.”

- Hillary Rodham Clinton, It Takes A Village -

“We need to do our own important things, accomplish our own important goals…despite our bad hair or fat bodies.”

- Peggy Browning, Bad Hair and Fat Girls -

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Posted in Hairstyles, Mental Health after 50, Peggy Browning, Random Thoughts about Post 50 Issues, Reinvention and Starting Over, Relationships, women over 50

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Bigger than Dallas

Posted on July 5, 2012 | 5 Comments

I try to live a peaceful, quiet life with as little personal drama in it as possible. I lie low trying not to attract craziness to me, intent on my pursuit of happiness.

I’m quiet. I’m not confrontational. I’m intolerant of conflict.

I’m…boring as heck.

That’s why I watch TV, just to get a little action in my life. That’s why I’m grateful Dallas is back.

All my favorite Texans are back on TV, adding a little spice to my boring life. I was beyond excited when Turner Network Television announced that J.R. and Bobby and the rest of the Ewings were coming back in living color and bringing all their mayhem with them.

I’m glad to see them. Oh, how I have missed them!

 ”Power, money and control mean nothing to me. I want a nice ordinary life with my husband.”__Pamela Ewing (Bobby’s 1st wife… oh, how foolish she was!)

See, I don’t like conflict and insanity in my own life. But I darn sure love to watch it on TV.

Watching Dallas provides me with all the debauchery, illicit affairs, greed, corruption, intrigue, cheating, lying and downright nastiness that I can stand.

“Chances are the baby’s yours. I’ve been just as faithful to our marriage vows as you have been, darling.”__Sue Ellen Ewing (J.R.’s ex-wife. If she would run for governor of Texas, I would vote for her.)

Oh. My. Goodness.

Those Ewings are masters of chaos, licentiousness and smack talking.

“When you’re holding a double barrel shotgun, use both barrels.”__J.R. Ewing (always a smart aleck, even in danger.)

Sure, I could watch the news of the presidential campaign and the members of Congress and hear all the same kind of stuff, but watching Dallas is much better. Dallas isn’t real. It’s just simple, trashy, naughty, fictional drama.

After watching Dallas for one hour, I can turn off the TV and not worry about the Ewings. They can take care of themselves.

I’m not so sure about the members of our government. Their problems are bigger than Dallas. I worry about them.

Before I heard Dallas was coming back after 21 years off the air, I was depressed about my anticipated summer TV viewing. I had exhausted myself watching re-runs of every Law & Order episode. I was tired of The Golden Girls, even though I still laugh at them. I’d seen every episode of That 70’s Show at least three times. I don’t like any of the CSI shows…but, I was just about to start watching them anyway…because there was nothing else on.

Since I try to veer away from politics, sex and religion as topics of conversation, I had nothing to talk about. I don’t like to debate things with anyone. In the good old days, weather was a safe topic and Texas has plenty of that to talk about. But now when weather is mentioned, someone has to bring up global warming and the debate begins.

It’s hard for me to be sociable without something inane to talk about. Not discussing politics, sex, religion and weather had ruined my ability to be social. No one wanted to talk with me about those old TV re-runs. My social life suffered.

“Lots of men have tried to run roughshod over me. You can visit them in the cemetery.” __J.R. Ewing (That would have intimidated me. No discussion.)

But now…now Dallas is back and I have something to talk about again. My female friends are as delighted as I am with the return of J.R. and Sue Ellen and Bobby and whoever is his current wife and all the offspring and enemies they’ve acquired through the years.

Now we have something fun to gossip about…but it’s not really gossip if the people about aren’t real. So we don’t even have to feel guilty about all that trash talking we do.

 ”I’m really not an alcoholic.” __Sue Ellen Ewing (Oh, Sue Ellen honey, yes you are!)

Sometimes a little drama in life is entertaining, but only if it’s not my own. I’ll leave the drama to the Ewings. They’re really good at it.

“The world is littered with the bodies of people that tried to stick it to ol’ J.R. Ewing.” __J.R. Ewing (’nuff said.)

How utterly delightful!

 

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Posted in Aging Gratefully, Dallas TV show, Peggy Browning, Post 50, Relationships, Relationships after 50, women over 50

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With Age Comes Wisdom…Life after 50

Posted on June 29, 2012 | 5 Comments

Oscar Wilde said, “With age comes wisdom.” Then he added, “But sometimes age comes alone.”

At the end of the 2012 school year (and probably every school year prior to it) there was a rash of silly high school senior pranks that made the news nationwide.

  • In Clayton, Indiana, six seniors were suspended for covering all the windows and doors of their high school with 12,000 Post It notes. (A school board member gave them the key to the school.)
  • In Walker, Michigan, seniors got in trouble for riding bicycles to school and messing up the traffic flow. (They got permission from the city officials to do it.)
  • In Tampa, Florida, one senior got his diploma yanked when he “Tebowed” the principal while receiving his sheepskin. (His friend bet him $5.00 to do it.)

To my fellow adults I ask…what’s the big deal?

To me…someone who participated in…um…borrowing….an outhouse and placing it on the lawn in front of my alma mater and…um…spray painting our basketball team’s name on the bridge near the school of our number one rival…those pranks just sound like good, clean fun.

To those 18 year olds I say…go ahead now and pull a good, memorable prank , before you get too old and wisdom sets in.

Sure, I know pranks can get out of hand. I know people can get hurt. I know it disrupts the school day. But when you’re 18 years old and a high school senior you feel it’s necessary to make a name for yourself before you graduate.

Sometimes you’ve just got to have a little silliness.

Recently in the mid-sized city in which I reside, some young men pulled a prank that went awry. They…um…borrowed… a life-size, painted, fiberglass horse.

The horse was part of a big, fund-raising art project( similar to the Chicago painted cow project) for local non-profits.

She was a beautiful fiberglass mare named Miss Silver Buckles.

The horse was bought at the charity auction for $10,000 and placed in front of an upscale beauty shop. She was part of a herd of 20 or so brightly painted fiberglass horses that are now stationed all over town.

I guess seeing Miss Silver Buckles in front of the beauty shop was just too much for these kids to resist. I don’t know what they were thinking, but it probably seemed like a good idea at the time.

I’m pretty sure alcoholic beverages were involved during the decision making process. The phrase “Here, hold my beer and watch this” was likely uttered during the caper.

They were observed by security cameras as they loaded her into their pick-up truck  and drove away.  They didn’t know anyone saw them.

The problem with their plan arose the next morning. They clearly hadn’t thought it through. What the heck does one do with a full-sized fiberglass mare after one has sobered up?

Well, sad to say, the pranksters panicked when they saw their prank reported as a crime on the morning news. They cut Miss Silver Buckles up into fiberglass horse steaks and tried to dispose of her.

Of course, they were arrested and prosecuted. Now they’re on probation for their silliness. I guess they got off easy.

We used to hang horse thieves in Texas.

I totally understand the urges of these kids to do these silly things. I still occasionally feel the inclination to pull a well-executed prank myself.

In fact, I have my eye on a cement pig that’s part of a group of cement pigs that decorate the circle driveway of a house nearby.

The very nice lady who owns the house dresses her cement pigs for special occasions. At Christmas she puts wreaths around their necks. At Cinco de Mayo, they wear sombreros. Currently, they’re wearing leis, sun hats and cloth wraps like they are ready for a luau. (Which seems kind of an inappropriate way to dress a pig, considering what’s served at luaus.)

If I was 18, I would… um…borrow… the smallest pig. Then I would travel  all over town and take pictures of it, say, shopping at the flea market, drinking a Coke from Sonic Drive-In,  sitting under a tree at the park.

Then one dark night, I would take the little piggy …wee, wee, wee, all the way back home. And I’d put it back where it belongs, holding an envelope of pictures of its travels for its nice owner. I would hope for no security cameras.

But I’m not 18 any more, so I won’t. With age comes wisdom and I’ve thought better of it.

Besides, I’m way too old to do jail time.  I hear the beds are not very comfortable there.

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Posted in Aging, Peggy Browning writer, Wisdom, women over 50

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The Virtue of Being Organized…Life over 50

Posted on May 6, 2012 | 4 Comments

I once had a boss who told me I had just gotten on her last nerve. She told me I was so disorganized  it was almost sinful. She said being organized was a virtue. And  I was lacking in virtue. She warned me that I better organize my life and my classroom because I was on the road to perdition.

Basically she thought I was damned and going to hell because I couldn’t organize my life.

She said I was making her life hell, too, because I couldn’t organize mine. She fully intended to make my life hell until I got my act together.

She made good on her threat.

She said my lack of organization got on her nerves. She was over 50. I was  30. I thought she was just old and didn’t understand me.

There was a short, happy period when I did organize my life. I found that being organized had its definite advantages although there were disadvantages as well.

The advantages were being able to find things when I needed them and having more time to do what I enjoyed because I spent less time looking for things I misplaced.

The disadvantages were that I had to keep picking things up and continue consistently putting them where they belonged, time after time and day after day . And well, that took a lot of self-discipline, another virtue I lack.

Now that I’m over 50 myself, I see what my old boss meant. My lack of organization gets on my nerves, too. I can see that being organized now that I’m older could work for me. Maybe I could remember where things are if I consistently put them where they belong. I’d just have to remember where they belonged.

I must confess that just last week I got on my own last nerve. In fact, the incident exposed my lack of virtue and made me examine my shortcomings.

Here’s a not so brief summary of the incident that has caused me to go into a full blown depressive episode and to feel sinful once more:

  • I bought two locks with matching keys a few months ago.
  • I put one on my back gate and put the key on a piece of wire on the fence.
  • I put the other one on my locker at work and put that key in the plastic thingy attached to the lanyard I was required to wear.
  • At some point, I removed both from where they belonged and put one on the kitchen counter and the other in my car.
  • I don’t remember why.

Last week the gas company put new gas lines in my neighborhood after jack hammering up all the old ones. It was necessary for them to go in my yard to check the meter and the line for leaks.

No problem, I said. Just let me unlock the gate. Then I couldn’t find the key on the kitchen counter. I looked everywhere, searching through every kitchen drawer. The key just wasn’t in its place or anywhere else it seemed.

No problem, I said again. I’ll use the one I put in the car.

Then I couldn’t find the key I had left in the car. I looked in the floor. Not there. Neither was it in the console, glove compartment, back  floorboard, between the seats or under the floor mats. I found old lottery tickets, a metal spoon, a plastic spoon, a sticky note with two phone numbers but no names, three loose CD’s, and way too much other junk to mention.

But the key? No chance.

No problem, I said once again. I have a bolt cutter.

Of course I couldn’t find it. I tore through my garage throwing stuff everywhere, becoming more unorganized by the minute.  When I finally found the bolt cutter, the kind man from the gas company used it to cut my lock then handed it back to me. I put it back where it should have been.

Benjamin Franklin said, “ A place for everything, everything in its place.” He would be so disappointed in me. I’m sure I’d blow his last nerve, too.

I’m still upset about it all and considering anti-depressants. I feel depressed and guilty.  Maybe I would feel better if I just confessed my sin and did penance for it.

I take some comfort in knowing that lacking organization skills is only a venial sin and no matter how disorganized I am, I will not go to hell for it, no matter what my former boss said.

Frankly, having to clean out my car and my garage seems like punishment enough.

St. Francis of Assisi said: “Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”  He makes the virtue of organization sound easy…

FYI: Today, when I was cleaning out my car, I found one of the missing keys. It was under the removable section of my beverage holder. A place for everything….?

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Posted in Aging, Life after 50, Mental Health after 50, organization, Post 50, Self Awareness, women over 50

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OMG! I Watched GCB!

Posted on March 10, 2012 | 5 Comments

 (Disclaimer: If you are easily offended, don’t read this post. If you disregard this warning and read it anyway and are offended by the content, for Pete’s sake don’t leave a comment saying you are offended. I warned you!)

OMG! I watched  GCB on ABC and I’m still LMAO.

I think I’ve finally found a TV show that I can commit to. I’ve been at a loss for something good to watch ever since E.R. went off the air in 2009.

Preview clips of GCB intrigued me so I wrote the first episodes’ time and date on sticky notes and stuck them on my TV and refrigerator door so I wouldn’t forget to watch.

GCB the TV show is based loosely on GCB the book, written by Dallas native Kim Gatlin and published in 2008. The book is actually titled Good Christian Bitches, a title too controversial and rude for polite company. That explains the acronym.

I’ve known some GCB in real life and I wanted to see if the comedy/drama got the characters right.

Like all good satire, GCB was silly, ridiculous and over the top. And like all good satire, it took an inkling of truth and made a caricature of our human faults and foibles. I  LOLed  all the way through it.

I didn’t know what a GCB was until I was in my 30s and moved to “THE (mid-sized) CITY”.  I grew up in rural Texas and lived first in the country, then later in a small town. The women I knew worked too hard and had too much integrity and grace to gossip unmercifully and stab their neighbors and friends in the back.

They were GCW…Good Christian Women. They were women who stood steadfastly on the Rock of their beliefs. They were more inclined toward quietly and actively living their faith than talking about it. They were infinitely more likely to go to their closet and pray rather than making a public spectacle of it.

Imagine my shock when I first met a true GCB. Call me sheltered. Call me a hick. Call me whatever name describes  someone gullible enough to expect people who make a big deal out of being of the Christian faith to actually follow the tenets of their religion.

Having grown up and lived among GCW, I was flabbergasted by the GCB. GCB were women who readily backed up their questionable actions by quoting Bible verses out of context, saying “I’ll pray for you” and tossing an air kiss.

One particular GCB from my past stands out. She owned a  health agency in the early 1990s when those types of agencies were cropping up all over and when Medicare fraud abounded.

On the desk of this GCB sat a Bible and on the wall behind her desk hung a cross and a picture of a blonde, blue-eyed, Nordic-looking Jesus. Her office walls were tastefully decorated with plaques embellished with inspirational sayings and Bible verses.

She claimed a personal relationship with Jesus. She dropped the names of the Father and His Son regularly in conversation.  She was a master at manipulating any situation by freely using Bible verses out of context.

I’m pretty sure she belonged to the highly popular Christian sect of Pick & Choose What Verse to Use.

At my employment interview she emphasized that her company was faith-based and Christian. That didn’t sound too bad to me. I considered myself a Christian, having met most of the requirements.

Based on her description of her company and my prior experience with GCW, I expected her to be honest and follow fair business practices with a little bit of extra niceness thrown in.

Sadly, my expectations went unfulfilled.

The woman “suggested” that at 8:00 a.m. each day, we employees meet for prayer. At that time she led us in “prayer requests” that consisted of approximately 45 minutes of smack-talking our clients and competing agencies. Then for 5 minutes or so, she “prayed” and beseeched the Lord to make her Christian business profitable. She did serve pastries and that was good.

Although I knew the verse about where two or more are gathered in His name, I thought those meetings  a total waste of time. After sitting through a couple of them and being pumped for gossipy details about my clients, I began to doubt. I was fairly certain that we weren’t gathering in His name for any legitimate reason.

I didn’t even feel guilty when I quit going to the “optional” prayer gatherings. I had better things to do…like my job of finding social services to help my clients.

I worked there only 3 months before I found the real reason for all that beseeching.  I arrived at work on a frosty Friday morning to find a few agitated colleagues standing outside the office while others returned to their cars and drove away.

There were chains and padlocks on the outside of the building. And there were federal agents on the inside of it. They were busy seizing the assets of the GCB due to non-payment of payroll taxes and other discrepancies in the bookkeeping system.

One lone employee was delegated the duty of relaying the bad news. It was payday, but he wasn’t passing out paychecks. He was handing out printed prayer requests from the owner to please pray for her and to please continue to serve our clients for gratis.

In her plea for our free services to keep her fraudulent business going, she added an inspirational Bible verse from The Gospel of John. It talked about hired hands fleeing because they cared nothing for the sheep and a true shepherd staying with his flock no matter what.

When I headed back home, I stopped by the employment office.  I prayed that she had been paying her unemployment taxes.

In her picking and choosing, the GCB had overlooked two significant pieces of Biblical advice that could have kept her business afloat. One was the suggestion from Jesus to render unto Caesar that which is due Caesar.

The other was from James 5:4, “Behold the wages of the laborers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud, are crying out against you, and the cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord of hosts.”  Or the ears of the Treasury Department and the IRS, which usually exacts vengeance faster than God.

I know, I know…judge not lest ye also be judged. But I think it’s pretty safe to say that my former employer was a GCB. While there’s that verse about judging, there’s also Proverbs 8:32 that says: “Pay attention, my children!”

After a few more run-ins with GCB, I finally learned to identify them from 50 paces and to turn and run when I see one. Sometimes they travel in packs.When you see a whole pack…run faster.

Watching GCB on ABC last Sunday evening was entertaining and I LMAO. I’ll probably watch the next episode this week, if I remember.

I’m not a professional TV critic, but I can say one thing about the show for sure.

Watching GCB on TV is much funnier than watching GCB in real life.

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Posted in GCB on ABC, Reinvention and Starting Over

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Mental Health After Age 50…Yours, Mine & POTUS Candidates

Posted on February 3, 2012 | Leave a comment

 I worry about my own mental health after age 50. I worry about other people’s mental health after age 50 as well. 

More specifically I worry about the mental health of our presidential candidates no matter what their age.

I swore I would not make political commentary when I started writing this blog. I really did. I am neither well informed enough nor educated enough to do it wisely. (Although that doesn’t stop most people.) Plus I don’t like to lose arguments.

However I can’t stop myself from saying something that just seems so obvious to me. Let’s just say that I’m talking about the mental health of people who are past 50 years of age instead of saying anything that might rile up anyone who disagrees with me politically .

After age 50 I, like most people my age, have an opinion on …well…everything. And I, like most people after age 50, express my opinion on…well…everything.

And since the candidates in the 2012 presidential campaign have ideas on policies that will affect all of us post 50 folks, I feel I have to speak up because I have opinions about that too.

 I’m not so concerned about the policies these candidates espouse. Those will change as the campaigning moves forward. The candidates seem rather flexible on policies. They’re pretty good at figuring out what we want to hear and then saying it, swearing by it even.  They will say almost anything to get our attention.

 I’m more concerned about their mental health. Some of the candidates have said things that made me wonder about it.  My primary diagnosis is that they might possibly be delusional with a little dash of narcissistic behavior disorder as their secondary diagnosis.

 See, I used to work for the Texas Department of Mental Health and Mental Retardation.

 When we had a “consumer” who persistently insisted that God wanted him/her to be the Leader of the Free World, we were suspicious about that person’s mental status. In fact, after a quick mental assessment, the “consumer” usually had the opportunity to spend some quality time (approximately 28 days ) at one of the fine state-operated all-inclusive facilities so conveniently scattered across Texas.

 Three candidates entered the 2012 Presidential race because they said (nay…insisted) that God told them to run. I won’t mention their political party, but it rhymes with See Publican. Bachmann, Cain, and that other guy from Texas who can’t seem to remember anything  all said that God, (yes, THAT God) told each of them they should be President of the United States.

Naturally, given my background, I was a little reluctant to follow any one of them blindly.

Pat Robertson even said that God has already revealed to him who the next President will be. I wish Mr. Robertson would just go ahead and tell us so I could quit watching the news and go back to watching “That ‘70s Show” re-runs.

Anyway, after just a very few primaries, these same three God-directed candidates  quit the race.

 Hmmm…..that makes me wonder about them. In fact, I have some questions about their actions.

Now as I understand it, these folks believe that in 2011 God spoke directly to each one of them and gave them the go-ahead to be our said Leader.

Here’s what I don’t understand:

  1. Did they misunderstand God and what he wanted them to do?
  2. Did God change His mind and tell them to quit?
  3. If so, why didn’t they tell us about God’s change of mind?
  4. Did they disobey a direct commandment from God?
  5. Was God just messing with them?
  6. Are these candidates just messing with us?
  7. Or, are they crazy?

 All are possible political points to ponder.

 In my humble opinion (see opinions of people over age 50…of course they have one), a mental status assessment may be in order for people who are in the Presidential race.

I’m not saying that one has to be crazy to run for POTUS…I’m just sayin’ that some might be.

And that’s all I have to say about any of it. For now.

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Posted in Aging, Mental Health after 50, Random Thoughts about Post 50 Issues

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