Tag Archives: flashbacks

Ghosts of Holidays Past

This holiday season I have become more and more like Ebenezer Scrooge, the bah, humbug character in Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.” That’s not because I have become grumpier and stingier, although I admit that I do have my moments.

No, it’s because I’ve been visited by the same ghosts, or at least those kin to them, that visited Scrooge.

Yes, I said ghosts.

In the story, Scrooge was visited by his deceased partner, Jacob Marley and the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Yet to Come. His visitors weren’t very pleasant and they left old Scrooge feeling somewhat confused and worried.

I haven’t seen old man Marley around, but recently the Ghosts of Holidays Past, Holidays Present and Holidays Yet to Come have called on me. In contrast to Scrooge’s visitors, all of mine have been congenial and pleasant and have left me feeling hopeful.

When the Ghost of Holidays Past visited me she brought happy childhood memories of holidays celebrated with a houseful of relatives: grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. There was laughter, excitement, and a table laden with holiday specialties.  The desserts impressed me most.

Our family could count on certain desserts each year. Those special offerings were served only during the Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations because Easter had its own special menu.

My mother and her sisters prepared coconut cake, ambrosia, pecan pie, and red velvet cake with seven minute frosting. The red velvet cake was my Aunt Durelle’s specialty. It was three layers of deliciousness, each separated by a special, secret filling, and encased by stiff, white, frosting. Her cake defined the festive atmosphere of the holidays.

My mother and aunts weren’t ones to shout “Happy Holidays!” But like the women of their time, they spoke their love through cooking. The generous spread of food at our table told me that we were all well loved.

The Ghost of Holidays Past reminded me of the desserts and the love at our table during happy days shared with family who are now long gone, but always remembered.

At Thanksgiving this year, I was working at a bookstore instead of sitting with my family around a table strained by its load of holiday desserts. At my lunch break, I hurried to a fast food place to catch a quick bite.

While driving to Braum’s, I reminisced about Holidays Past and my aunt’s red velvet cake. I wished with all my heart that I could revisit those days if only for a few moments.

I had no clue I was about to be visited by the Ghost of Holidays Present. It seems that ghosts show up when you least expect them.

While I placed my order for a burger and fries, a family entered the restaurant and stood behind me, looking at the menu displayed on the wall.  Grandparents, parents, and four kids ranging in age from about 11 to 18, waited patiently to place their order. I noticed the mother was holding a covered metal cake pan.

I sat alone in my booth, eating my burger and reading the newspaper while watching that family out of the corner of my eye.  After they finished their meal and cleared their table, the youngest child stood, smiling, beside his grandfather. The rest of the family gathered round and sang “Happy Birthday” to the boy.

Then the mother removed the lid from the cake pan, cut the cake and handed pieces to her family. Then she looked at me and said, “Would you like a piece of homemade red velvet cake?”

Why, yes. Yes, I would like a piece of homemade red velvet cake. She didn’t know how much that slice of cake meant to me. Or maybe she did.

After she gave me my slice, the woman proceeded to give a piece of love…er, cake…to everyone there.

Recently my last visitor, the Ghost of Holidays Yet to Come showed up. She came to call on the day my small, but growing, family had gathered to celebrate our combination Thanksgiving/Christmas/Ben’s Birthday holiday.

The friendly ghost encouraged me to look around.  I saw a family with a grandparent, children who had grown up and become aunts and uncles, grandchildren who were brother and sister with a little cousin on the way. I saw a table laden with lovingly prepared holiday food.

The only thing I didn’t see was a red velvet cake with seven minute frosting. But I definitely see one in our future.

Turn On, Tune In, Drop Out

Today is Sunday. On Sunday evenings I often turn on the TV, tune in to my favorite re-runs, and drop out on the couch to watch them.

While I’m watching TV, I get out my notebook and calendar and look at the week ahead of me. I decide what I aim to accomplish in the next seven days. I often make a list of things to do during the week.

Of course, I lie awake until the wee hours of Monday morning, thinking about all things I’ve planned to start within a few hours.

Today I changed my routine. I turned off the TV.

I have decided I will channel my inner hippie next week. I’m going to follow Timothy Leary’s famous (or infamous, depending on how you look at it) advice from a speech he gave at a meeting of 30,000 hippies at the Human Be-In in 1967.

That’s right. I’m going to Turn On, Tune In, and Drop Out. But not like I usually do. I’m changing course this week.

Don’t panic. I’m not going psychedelic or dropping acid. I’m just turning off my TV and my Facebook account.

Although Leary is usually quoted as  encouraging the use of drugs to turn on, tune in and drop out, he was explaining a series of steps in personal development. In his 1983 autobiography, Flashbacks, he said he was often misinterpreted about the drug use. As always, people only hear what they want to hear, then repeat it as they think they heard it.

I’m going to use Leary’s explanation from his autobiography to further my personal development. Here’s an excerpt from Flashbacks, 1983.

“Turn on” meant go within to activate your neural and genetic equipment. Become sensitive to the many and various levels of consciousness and the specific triggers that engage them. Drugs were one way to accomplish this end. “Tune in” meant interact harmoniously with the world around you – externalize, materialize, express your new internal perspectives. “Drop out” suggested an active, selective, graceful process of detachment from involuntary or unconscious commitments. “Drop Out” meant self-reliance, a discovery of one’s singularity, a commitment to mobility, choice, and change. Unhappily my explanations of this sequence of personal development were often misinterpreted to mean “Get stoned and abandon all constructive activity”

I figure it’s best that I turn off all my electronic communication devices and deactivate my social network account to become sensitive, interact harmoniously and discover my singularity. I get pretty distracted by all that stuff. I don’t want my neural and genetic equipment to get messed up.

I often start my morning by checking my email, reading from all manner of news sources, then looking at Facebook, then getting ticked off by what I read earlier  in the news, surfing the web for other news articles…important stuff like how to lose 10 lbs. in 3 days…getting back on Facebook, forwarding jokes from my email, looking for telecommute and “work at home”  jobs, seeing what Angie and Brad or the Kardashians are up to, then going again to Facebook and hitting the “share” button on funny or sentimental postings, etc., etc., etc.

And, before I know it, I’ve wasted the whole day and even stayed awake well into the next one. Once I finally go to bed, I turn on TV news programs to help me drift off to sleep.  The arguing, sniping, and backbiting on TV upsets me so I get back out of bed to take my blood pressure pill, then stop by my computer to see if any of my Facebook friends have anything new to say on their status updates.

Then, I start the whole process again the next morning.

Yes. I’m crazy. I’m also quite unproductive. I’m falling farther and farther behind in working on projects that I really care about and that would be beneficial to me if I actually finished them.

Projects like finding a full-time, well-paid job. Projects like planting the vegetable garden that I hired plowed two weeks ago or cleaning my yard so that the city doesn’t give me a fine for being a slob or clearing out my closet so I can find my spring and summer clothes. Just little things, you know….

So, I think it is well past time for me to Turn On, Tune In and Drop Out. I’m doing it for a week and I’ll just see what happens. I have a feeling that I’ll have severe withdrawal symptoms.

I will use coffee and books  to sedate myself.

I’ll catch up with Angie and Brad next week. But if something big happens with the Kardashians, will somebody please text me?