The Way We Were (Mem’ries) sung by Barry Manilow
Many of us who are over age 50 worry about our mental health and our memory. We worry about lots of other things, too, until we forget what it was that we were worrying about.
We’re pretty concerned about losing our memories and the possibility that we may develop dementia or Alzheimer’s. Lots of us blame our memory loss after age 50 on stress or menopause or loss of testosterone, whatever is in the news that week. Then we try to replace our memory by using bio-identical hormone replacement therapy or some other anti-aging cure.
Recently I lost some essential items and couldn’t find them anywhere. I blamed the loss on robbers.
I know….that sounds like something your grandmother was probably saying just before your well-meaning aunt packed her bags to take her to the nursing home (uh, retirement center.)
I mean, what else could have happened to an extra large Wal-Mart bag that was loaded with a 4-pack of Angel Soft toilet tissue and a 6 month supply of Dove bath soap? It’s not like it was a tiny package that held, say…oh, I don’t know…something tiny…like maybe a bracelet or maybe a bean.
I looked everywhere: closets, trunk of car, backseat of car, under my bed, on the front porch, on the back stoop, under the kitchen sink…any place I could have stuffed a bag or set one down and forgot to pick it back up.
Is it too far-fetched a notion to think that thieves may have broken into my house, and then finding absolutely nothing else of value, left with my toilet paper and soap?
To be honest, I do know it is too far-fetched an explanation.
All other explanations require that I face some of my personal issues. Yes, I have others besides my current tissue issue.
One is that I’m messy. Another is that I’m cheap. A third is that I’m lazy. There. I said it. I am messy, cheap, and lazy. These are three of my faults, although I have others that I’m not going to face today.
These faults complicated my tissue problem. I’m pretty sure they are the reason I couldn’t find that blasted bag of toilet paper.
After re-tracing my steps many times and looking all possible places lo, so many times, I have finally come to a conclusion and closed the case.
The following scenario is a re-enactment:
On the day in question (I can’t remember what day, of course) I carried my Wal-Mart purchases into the house, placing them, including the sack containing toilet tissue and bath soap, on the kitchen floor.
Because I am lazy, I only unpacked and put away a few of the purchases, leaving the sack containing the now missing items on the floor.
Later, I cleaned the kitchen and, because I am cheap, put trash in Wal-Mart bags placing them near the bag that would eventually be lost.
Then, again because I’m lazy, I left all bags on the kitchen floor overnight (or so), finally gathering all bags (including the one…well, you know…) and tossing them into the Dumpster in the alley.
That’s my conclusion based on my investigation. I don’t know if it’s correct because I still can’t remember what I did with that durn sack.
I have a clue, but no memory.
Whoo…glad I figured that out. But now I’ve added another issue, memory loss, to all the others.
While I was upturning the house for my lost purchases, I found a package of six Dove soap bars under the bathroom sink. It wasn’t the one I was missing. It was one that I’d bought a while back and forgot I had. Anyway, that discovery fixed the soap problem.
I solved the tissue issue by going to the Walgreen’s down the street and restocking. As it turned out, a 12-pack of Angel Soft was on sale there.
When I returned from the store I put two rolls of tissue in the bathroom and the other ten rolls in the hall closet. I check on them every day or two, just for safekeeping.
Mem’ries….If we had the chance to do it all again, tell me…would we? Could we?
